Sunday, December 21, 2008

Clothing Lines/Brands that Need to Die

This is going to sound real harsh... but some clothing lines need to go away. Some just need to take a break, reinvent the brand, get some folks that actually know a little bit about designing clothes, and try again.  Others, however, need to go the hell away and don't come back. Here is my list of clothing lines that need to sit this one out for a while:

Ok, here is the deal with Southpole.  They have a marketing budget that would make Barack Obama proud. Like seriously, their shit is EVERYWHERE. Vibe, the Source, Complex, Sports Illustrated, I think I saw an ad in Cosmo one time.  They advertise EVERYWHERE with either a scrub R&B singer (Mario, Omarion, you get the picture), some wigger-looking suburban White kid with at buzz cut and stunner shades, or some racially ambiguous woman.  The problem I have with Southpole is not the fact that I can't flip through the pages of a magazine without seeing their cheaply made products, its that... the company just copies whatever was hot last year.  There is no, I repeat, no one creative that works at Southpole.  I guess they fired all those people so they would have more money for advertising.  All-over print hoodies were hot in 2003, Southpole's Fall 2004 line was all-over print EVERYTHING.  Hoodies, shirts, polos, jeans, hats, socks, you name it Southpole put a logo all over that bitch.  They should look at Hyundai, another company that made a name for itself by swagger-jacking higher end brands, invest some money in R&D (i.e. hire some hungry young designers) and start making some QUALITY knock-off stuff.  I remember I bought a Southpole polo when I was like 12, I thought I was fly.  It was good all the way until I washed it... and that joint got a foot shorter and a foot wider... Same thing happened to a hoodie I copped.  Haven't really messed with them since.

Shady Ltd., G-Unit, Apple Bottoms, Yums

Ok... Shady Clothes just needs to go the f- away.  As a matter of fact, I actually just went back and added two other clothing lines started by rappers that need to go the hell away (puts on Chris Brown auto-tune with the echo) Forever, -ever, -ever.  As a rule to all rappers, if you don't dress well, don't make a clothing line.  Seriously, if you have no fashion sense, don't put your name on some clothes because that opens the door for a host of other things that just aren't acceptable like... albums by rappers that can't rap (Soulja Boy) or singers that can't sing (Ashanti).  You know what: here are the only rappers/musicians that are allowed to have clothing lines
Andre 3000 
Alicia Keys
Beyonce (she is about to lose this privilege if she doesn't start getting models that don't have the last name Knowles)
All other, fall back. Get a stylist and wait your turn.



Ok, the funny thing about Enyce is that Diddy bought them which is funny because he already has a brand like that... its called Sean John.  So much for diversification.  Honestly, this is actually a request that Enyce not go away forever.  Diddy, if you are reading this please don't make Enyce disappear like Cheri Dennis, Black Rob, Loon, Total and the countless others whose souls you have purchased and are nowhere to be found (Craig Mack).  You know what would be funny, if Diddy revamped the brand and it disappeared for a while... and in like 2 or so years Cheri Dennis came out with a track with Carl Thomas and they were both rocking the new Enyce.  G-Dep and Black Rob could be on the remix. I'm sure it would all be hot like... WHOA!

Some brands that don't need to go away but need to STRONGLY rethink the way they design clothes:

Blac Label: Skulls, devils, and guns on (Kat Williams voice) ev-er-ry-thang? ev-er-ry-thang... Like serious.  I don't buy the shirts because I feel like I'm going to hell just for wearing it. And the jeans are WAY over priced.  I can get some selvedge Levis for the price of your REGULAR ASS DENIM. 

Ed Hardy by Christian Audiger: Y'all are killin' the game with the tattoo prints... and I don't mean that in no nice way.  That stuff might be cool for tattoos, but its getting old. Like, if you were to stick with the simple Ed Hardy logo that would be cool... and DON'T put a big ass Ed Hardy on the butt of anymore men's jeans... I don't want any man's name on my ass.

Parish: Y'all are trying to hard. That is all.

Akademiks: I just feel bad because even Prps is like the new baby and Akademiks gets no love.  Slimmer jeans and themes that aren't as extra would be a good look.  And make some 32x34 jeans.  Cut it out with this 32x33 business.

That's all for now.  Maybe more later.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious and so true. I especially enjoyed the Ed Hardy logo comments. Welcome to the addicting world of blogging...