SBPSPLACL

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past year or so, there is a new cultural phenomena that is sweeping the blogosphere (I believe that is the proper nomenclature): it's called Stuff White People Like. It is HILARIOUS. The premise is this white guy began listing things that middle to upper middle class, left leaning, North American white people enjoy and by all accounts its fairly accurate. From scarves and gentrification to New Balance shoes and the Idea of Soccer, Stuff White People Like is a peek into the minds, behaviors, and spending habits of that generally cool white person that you know.

Folks have tried to make spin-offs, but they generally fail because of a few reasons. Reason 1: The group they choose to focus on is substantially smaller than white people. Reason 2: White people really don't give a fuck about what specifically other groups like... just as long as that group likes the type of white person they are. Rather than ride the proverbial dick of Stuff White People Like and turn Bo Jangles into Stuff (insert ethnic group) People Like, I have decided to add a series, like the "Tragedy That is..." or "Chris's Critical Beatdown" series, called Stuff Black People at Small Private Liberal Arts College Like. I realize that I have selected an infinitesimally small target audience, but that is the audience I have selected and hey, maybe you can relate too.

For the first installment of Stuff Black People at Small Private Liberal Arts Colleges Like, I will focus on "Patronizing 24 Hour Eateries". Some of you may say, "Chris that is something that ALL college student like, not just Black people at small private liberal arts colleges." First off... BITCH! I didn't say ONLY Black people at small private liberal arts colleges like this shit! And, it's a different type of affair for us, ESPECIALLY if the school is in the middle of fucking NOWHERE. Going to the 24 hour restaurant of choice is a much grander affair for us members of the not so silent minority. While for most, these trips are spontaneous and occur after a night of partying, for Black people at small private liberal arts colleges this trip starts at the beginning of the school week:

Monday (in the dining hall)
Black person 1: Man we haven't had a late night trip to (insert 24 hour eatery) in a minute.
Black person 2: You right. We need to go, some time.

Tuesday (in passing)
Black person 1: Hey! We still on for going to (insert 24 hour eatery) this week?
Black person 2: THIS WEEK?! Nigga! No one said anything about going this week! I got a test on Friday and a 20 page term paper due Saturday at midnight!

Wednesday (chilling/studying)
Black person 1: Come on, man! Lets hit up (insert 24 hour eatery) on Friday! A buncha people said they wanna go!
Black person 2: Like who?
Black person 1: Uhhhh (he then proceeds to list 3 people who agreed that they hadn't been to the restaurant in a long time but did not actually confirm that they were coming on Friday, 2 people who actually said they cannot make it Friday, and 4 more people he never even talked to).
Black person 2: Aight, well we will see how this paper goes. I probably can't go though.

Thursday (in passing)
Black person 1: Yo! We still-
Black person 2: I can't go, all I have done on this paper is the opening... I don't even have a fuckin' thesis yet. AND I will be up all night studying for this test tomorrow.
Black person 1: Aight... well, maybe some other time.

Friday (after the test around noon)
Black person 1: How did the test go?
Black person 2 (still wearing the same clothes he had on from the day before): Nigga, I KILT that shit!
Black person 1: That's what's up! Yo we should celebrate with some (insert 24 hour eatery)!
Black person 2: Mutherfucka! I told you I have a term paper due tomorrow. I need to rest and then bang that joint out.

Friday (about 8:00 pm)
Black person 1: Hey how you feeling? Hows that paper coming?
Black person 2: Its coming alright. I took a 3 hour nap and have been working on it since. I got about 5 pages. Its supposed to be 15 to 20 pages and I wanna shoot for 20.
Black person 1: Aight, man. Good luck with that.

Still Friday (about midnight)
Black person 2 answers his cell. It's Black person 1
Black person 2: Yo!
Black person 1: (5 or so Negro voices in the background... which tends to sound like 20 to 30 voices) Hey, man! We gettin' ready to hit up (insert 24 hour eatery)! You rollin?!
Black person 2: I don't know, I only have 10 pages done so far and I'm kinda in a rut right now.
Black person 1: Come on! We all are ready to go we are just waiting on you!
Black person 2: I don't know, man...
Black person 1: Stop being a little bitch. COME ON.
Black person 2: Man... fuck you. I need to work on this paper for real.
Black person 1: Aight. Peace.
Black person 2 hangs up

10 minutes later there is a knock at Black person 2's door and what sounds like 10 or 15 Black people at it. He opens the door to find Black person 1 with 3 other Black people and that cool white dude that rolls from time to time with him.
Black person 1: Nigga... You are coming with us!
Black person 2: Nah, man. I told you I have this paper!
Black person 1: Put on some sweats and lets roll.
Black person 2 skulks back into his room and comes out 3 minutes later in sweats and a hoody.
Black person 2: Aight... Lets go.

So the group heads out to the restaurant and has a blast. Invariably there are 2-4 people who aren't hungry at all and don't eat anything, 2-3 people who don't have money and tell people they aren't eating but someone gets them anyway, and 1 mottherfucker who has no money, orders his food like he does, and after he finishes says "Aight... Who got me?"

Kobe is a Damn Fool

Gone for a Minute Now I'm Back Again

It has been some time since I have had a word with the Bo Jangle's community. So It is almost 8 am and I am up in my school's dinning hall eating breakfast. "Why?!" you ask? Well I just got finished with another great moment of procrastination. While some people look down on procrastination, I see it as a blessing. We procrastinators have a divine gift for having moments of genius when it really counts. Like it or not, procrastination is a gift. Some are good at it, some are bad. I don't know that it can be taught. Procrastination is like Spiderman's "spider sense", that instinctual warning that time is of the essence and the genius lobe of your brain needs to turn on. I bet you didn't know about the genius lobe, did you. Its near your medulla oblongata... look it up. Anyway, the genius lobe kicks in, and you get that spark of wisdom that you need to get the work done that you probably should have done... weeks ago. Aight... the high from getting this project is done. I'm going to take my ass back to the crib and take a nap before class. Keep janglin'.

We'ze Just Loves Us Some Obama!

I swear to God, America has developed an "If I Could Just Touch the Hem of His Garment" complex with Barack Obama (for those of you not familiar with the New Testament that is a reference to the woman with the hemorrhage who said if she could just touch the hem of Jesus's robe she would be healed. She touched it, and she was healed). Anyway, it seems the media is looking for anyone and I mean ANYONE who knew Barack or Michelle Obama at some point before he ran for public office. It is ridiculous. They will find that person who took Barack's drivers license picture back in Hawaii and ask them dumb questions like, "Would you ever have guessed that he would be president one day?" The answer is NO. Just like guys at Yale didn't know that the coke head doing a keg stand on their coffee table was going to be president one day (George W. Bush). I swear news outlets have entire staffs devoted to finding people that knew the Obamas back in the day. One day you are going to turn on the news and see this:
In this CNN exclusive, we have the woman Barack dated... before Michelle
Reporter: So when did you first meet Barack?
Woman: Well it was at a party at Harvard. He was really quiet.
Reporter: How long were you in a relationship with President-Elect Obama?
Woman: Back then, we just called him Barry. And it wasn't much of a relationship... actually we just hooked up that night at the party.
Reporter: I see, so... when you were "hooking up", did you know you were sucking the future 44th president's dick?

And this is the shit people are calling news nowadays. We have an economy in shambles, Israel is blasting Gaza, people are losing jobs... and the media wants to know "who knew Barack 15 years ago" or what dog Sasha and Maliah are going to get. I will put an end to this madness: No one really knew Barack was going to become president one day and if they say they did they are lying and the kids are getting a pitbull... or a rottweiler. Some really hood dog.

Bo Jangles Live! We Back, Baby.

Erykah Badu Tells Women How to Get in to the Business

WAZZZZZAAAAAP The Change Edition

Remember the Budwieser "Wazzzap!" guys from a while back?  Well they made an updated version for the election season that has nothing to do wit beer and such.  Its pretty funny, and poignant.  Check it out!

I Just Found Out I'm a Millionaire, Son!

I found out just moments ago that my kidneys are worth up to 1.5 million dollars a piece.  While I don't plan on

 cashing them out its good to know.  Seriously though, this is actually a strange and sad story about a relationship... and this time the guy didn't f--k up.  So there is this surgeon on Massapequa, NY (shouts out to all my Massapequa gangstas) and he falls in love with one of his patients.  So he marries her in 1990, has three kids with her, and (this is how you know dude LOVED this woman) gave her one of his kidneys to save her life back in 2001.  I mean a lot of people claim shit like "Love is never saying 'I'm sorry'" or you know "Love is being able to wake up to the same person day after day". F--k that. Love is when you donate one of your vital organs to a person.  And get this, he finds out that she is cheating on him. WHAT THE FUCK.  Like, I'm not saying that John Edwards was right for cheating on his wife while she was fighting cancer... but his wife didn't donate one of her vital organs to him.  So the doctor decides he wants a divorce, and she can have the house, the cars, the kids, all that. What does he want? Wait for it... Wait for it... That's right, he wants his f--king kidney back.  She can either give him his kidney back, or she can pay for it. 1.5 million is the price tag on the kidney.  Where did that price come from? Is there a Kelley's Blue Book value on vital organs?  I am a firm believer in being the bigger person when you have a conflict with a person, but dammit if you love someone so much you want to spend the rest of your life with them AND you give them a kidney, and they turn around and start boning someone else?  Fuck it, you can be a petty as you want when it comes to the divorce proceedings.  I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=6591415

The Tragedy that is... Laura Bush

Now some of you may be going, "Chris... where the HELL are you going with this???" Here is the set-up: I was checking out CNN.com this evening, you know... trying to be a responsible citizen of the world and find out what is going on and such.  One of the headlines is "Laura Bush signs deal to write memoir and share 'intimate details'" So naturally I click the link on some "What the f--k is this" type shit.  So I'm reading, and I quickly lose interest after about 3 sentences, but I did read something interesting.  Although everyone hated Bush, Laura was generally loved by the public.  And I say to myself, "Hermmmm. I wonder if I have ever held any ill feelings towards Laura Bush?".  And I thought, and thought, and never was there a day when I was like "MAAAN! Laura Bush is whack as hell!". She wasn't even collateral damage on some "F--k Bush! And Laura can take 2 of these and walk it out too!".  Honestly, she seems like a really nice woman and I feel bad for her.  I'm pretty sure she was like... a librarian or something before she married Bush, and she married this rich kid from Texas and ended up becoming the first-lady.  Now this could have been a Cinderella type story, but unfortunately the guy she married was more like Elmer Fudd than Prince Charming... assuming Elmer came from money.  But seriously, she seems like such a nice lady.  Like, that lady that lives on your block who has a biggoted retard for a husband.  And one day your ball rolls in their yard while he is cutting the grass, and he calls you all types of crispity crackley crunchity coons and like pops your ball with some gardening scissors.  All the while, kind Mrs. Bush is watching from the window, shaking her head in disgust.  Mr. Bush goes in the house angry, and Mrs. Bush slips out, and tells you in the kindest voice that she is sorry that he behaved like that, and should have treated you that way.  And then she tells you to come back in an hour, when Mr. Bush is at his "fraternity meeting" that requires a white robe and pillow case, and she will bake you her world famous chocolate chip cookies.  Like.. that is the type of woman that Laura Bush is to me.  Like, while Dubya was off playing John Wayne with the Middle East, Laura was back in the U.S. reading to little kids... and baking her world famous chocolate chip cookies to send over in those care packages they dropped in like Afghanistan and Iraq.    

Chris's Critical Beatdown: 808s and Heartbreak

Some people have suggested that I write a review on Kanye's newest offering to the world "808s and Heartbreak".  Let me first and foremost say that I am a Kanye fan, so I'm not just going to shit on the album because Kanye is a cocky bastard.  With that being said, on to the heartbreak.  Its important to keep in mind that 808s is a concept album, so unlike his major releases its just Kanye f--kin around with sounds that he likes and decided that it was good enough to release.  Another important thing to realize is that Kanye cannot, I repeat, cannot sing.  So again, if you are looking for some shit that will sound like Raheem DeVaughn, you will be disappointed. Don't fret, however, you can definitely still cry in your keffiayh scarf to this music.  I have determined that any male that has gone through any type of heartbreak and is man enough to admit it will feel something on this album.  You can try and hate, but I guarantee once you start listening to it for real, your ass will go from nodding your head on "Welcome to Heartbreak", to jumping up and down with your arms out, spinning as you jump, singing at the top of your lungs in a shitty falsetto "OK OKAAAAAAY! OK OKAAAAAAAAY! YOU NEED TO STOP IT NOW!" once "Robocop" comes on.  The beats are killer, the biggest knock against the project is every song is little more than a hook and a bridge.  No real verses, no real depth.  I have heard people tell me they "don't get 808s and Heartbreak", and to that I say "What the f--k is there not to get?? Its real straight forward. Dude lost his mom to botched plastic surgery then broke up with his fiance... then decided to make an album about that shit using auto-tune and some tribal ass drums. He isn't speaking in code when he said 'You worry about the wrong things'..."  Like I said, if you are looking for the musical stylings of say a Carl Thomas, this is not the album for you. But if you want to listen to Kanye whine over some tight ass beats using auto-tune this is a must cop.  

Beats: ©©©©©

Lyrics: ©©

Dance-ability: ©

Cry-ability: ©©©©©

Overall: ©©©©

I would say, if you like "Heartless" then cop it.  Tracks to bang: Say You Will, Welcome to Heartbreak, Heartless, Paranoid (thats my SHIT!), Street Lights

Favorite Person of the Moment: Gertrude Baines

Some of you may be wondering, "Who is Gertrude Baines? An actress? Singer? An all around cutie pie?" Well... no. She is likely to be the oldest person in the world in a few days at 114 years old. Like... she was born to slaves, son. No joke. Her parents were former slaves. The beautiful this is, she lived long enough to see America elect its first Black president. Not only did she witness it, she partook in the election, voting for Obama because "he's for the colored people." You know what... she gets honorary cutie pie status. Keep on doin' your thing Gertrude!

Randy Taylor doesn't f--k with 12 oz. rolls of sausage

Yo this joint had me ROLLIN'! I found on it artist KAWS's blog.