Friday, May 15, 2009

SBPSPLACL: Identifying Racial Injustices

IT'S BACK! Or rather, its the second installment of Stuff Black People at Small Private Liberal Arts Colleges Like.  For this installment, I have identified one of the primary drivers for Black students at predominantly White colleges across the country: identifying racial injustices... even when they probably don't exist.  Why is this the case?  Well, secretly the vast majority of Black students in college wish they were a civil rights leader of some sort.  After years of going to Martin Luther King Day celebrations as an elementary and middle school student and that Intro to African American Studies class Tyrell took his freshman year of college, he is ready to become the next Huey Newton, A. Philip Randolph, or Bayard Rustin (no homo).  All he needs is a cause.  Some reason to mobilize the masses... or 12 of his homeboys, that group of 5 or so Black girls with natural hair that is always accosting the girls with relaxed hair, and that White kid that also took the Intro to Af. Am. Studies class that has the cleanest fitteds on campus.  It doesn't take much either.  Maybe his friend Der'on was asked to leave a fraternity party? Granted... Der'on was the only Black person asked to leave, he kept f*cking with the iHome putting on whatever rap music he could find because even though its not his house or his party, and he was asked 6 or 7 times by the guys who live in the house to stop... BUT NONE OF THIS MATTERS! Racism has reared its ugly head and its time to squash it!  First, Tyrell starts by notifying the appropriate authority figures via email, which probably reads something like this:

Dear, Administrative Establishment

On the evening of October 23, in this the 2009th year of our Lord, a grave injustice took place at 123 Mockingbird Lane.  Der'on Anderson was removed from a party that was supposedly open to all students by the current residents without rhyme or reason.  After conversating with Der'on (note the invention of the word "conversating". Tyrell ignored the red line underneath the word), we have determined that the only thing that distinguished him from the others enjoying the festivities was the color of his skin.  We feel that swift and decisive action should be taken against the current residents of 123 Mockingbird Lane, and an investigation should be conducted to determine whether this catastrophe was the result of individual prejudices or system racism upheld by the broader fraternity culture.  If our demands are not met, we are prepared to alert both national and local media outlets of your tacit consent (Tyrell learned about "tacit consent" in his Intro to Political Science course.  This seemed like an appropriate application of the term to him).


Tyrell Jam'aal Smith (this is the first time he has ever used his full name in an email. Usually he signs them "Ty")
BSA Recording Secretary
(Insert some founding father's last name) College
Class of 2011

After the email is sent out, Tyrell and his homeboys will wear nothing but black clothing for at least 3 or 4 days.  During this time period, t-shirt will be made that say "REMEMBER MOCKINGBIRD LANE" on them which no one will wear.  Slowly, but surely... actually within a week of the incident happening, the situation will be explained.  Tyrell will try and maintain his militant stance has do everything he can to hold the fraternity members accountable for what is now a grave misunderstanding.  Der'on will actually become friends with the guys who threw him out because, "deep down... they are mad cool".  Tyrell, on the other hand, will just wait quietly for the next injustice to rear its ugly head so he can pounce and claim the greatness he was destined for and join the ranks of Malcolm, Martin, and (of course) Pac...


Anonymous said...

Um okay so what exactly was the inspiration for this? Please do tell......